The battle at Hardhome was good though, right?

MANY MAJOR SPOILERS for Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire!

It was the not-best of seasons, it was the arguably-worst of seasons. But there were a few bright moments, no? Okay, the one bright moment. Hardhome was, IMO, the best set piece Game of Thrones has ever done.The rest, though. Damn, you guys.

Here are my thoughts on the most controversial bits.

Sansa plugged into the Winterfell storyline
I would’ve done the same thing. Sansa is one of the show’s stars, and at this point in the book she’s babysitting the most annoying character George R. R. Martin has ever written. Meanwhile you’ve got a major storyline featuring a minor character the audience doesn’t know or care about. The swap was a no-brainer. That doesn’t mean it was executed well, though. So onward to…

Sansa’s rape
Well, once you’ve put her together with Ramsey, this sort of thing is pretty much inevitable, isn’t it? I don’t object to where the story went. I do object to some sloppy characterization. A great deal of screen time, going back to last season, was spent trying to convince us that we’ve got a new, badass Sansa, one who is going to be a player now. But in That Scene, and in fact most of the scenes leading up to it, she does nothing but tearfully submit to it all. I’m not victim-blaming, I’m writer-blaming. Imagine Margaery Tyrell in Sansa’s position and you’ll see what I mean. Tell me Margaery doesn’t immediately, expertly assess those psychos and begin trying to manipulate circumstances in her favor. (Whether she’d be successful or not is beside the point.) Because she has game. That’s what game looks like.

Shireen
The producers strongly implied that George told them this happens. So… Book-Stannis does this? “No more burnings” Stannis? “If I die, put my daughter on the iron throne” Stannis? Ok, but if that Stannis burns his only heir and brings the House of Baratheon to extinction, it’ll be because he’s sure beyond doubt that it’s the only way to save the realm he’s responsible for from immediate and certain destruction. That is the only way it fits his character, and if he does it for any other reason, I’ll happily call bullshit on George, too. Meanwhile, the show utterly failed to establish those sorts of stakes. The destruction of the realm is hundreds of miles away, neither certain nor immediate as yet. He’s not facing white walkers; he’s facing a few icicles and twenty of Ramsey Bolton’s undersecretaries. He’s not fighting for the realm; he’s fighting for Winterfell. This is a subtask of a subtask on the Save The Realm Gantt chart. Even in the kind of twisted mind where there’s a good reason to murder your daughter in an incredibly painful way, this is not that reason.

The Dorne plot line
Much as I appreciate the screen time for the always-hilarious Jerome Flynn, seriously, why is this here? It was a slowly moving story in an already way too slowly moving season, that accomplished almost nothing in the end. If the whole point was to kill Myrcella, just have a single, five minute scene in which Darkstar leaps out of the shadows, kills her with flair (but limited accuracy), and leaps back off screen again. No need to explain who he is or why he’s done it. He is of the night! That’s all people need to know.

For the watch
Kit Harington says he’s really dead. The producers say he’s really dead. He sure looked really dead. Eh. I still don’t think he’s dead. Certainly not before some big reveal about his mother. Jon Snow is endgame. Maybe not in the show, and maybe Show-Jon really is dead. If that’s the case, I’ll be okay, because at least he died without the whole pink letter and him behaving completely out of character leading up to it.

The scene in the fighting pit
While others are raging over poor Sansa and even poorer Shireen, this is the scene that really convinced me that Game of Thrones has lost it, possibly irretrievably. I’ve seldom seen anything so stupid on television, and I’m including reality TV in that. So you’ve got these horrible terrorists, right? So horrible they killed Ser Barristan! They butcher people randomly all over the arena. Just blood everywhere, no mercy for anyone. They close in on their prey. They’ve got her surrounded! There are dozens and dozens of them! They’re vicious! So they… come at her two at a time. Then when she flies off to reenact The Neverending Story, leaving the people who’ve just been defending her with their lives completely vulnerable, these fearsome, bloodthirsty terrorists… disperse. I just can’t even with this. And thanks, by the way, for ensuring that Limahl song was in my head for three days after. Seriously, I have to end the post here, because there are no words for this badness.

Game of WTF?

Yes, I have a lot to say about Game of Thrones. So much WTF. But I’m going to wait until after the season finale on Sunday before I say any of it. Who knows, maybe that last episode will change everything. Maybe Dany will wake up next to Daario and say, “Honey, I had the weirdest dream! I was jumping over a shark…” And then we’ll get the real story.