No resolve

Happy new year, everyone! I do not have resolutions, as such. Usually I have a whole spreadsheet full of them all color-coded and broken into actionable steps with deadlines and status boxes and secret magical words of power. (I’m lying about the words of power.) Half of them still fall by the wayside by March. The spreadsheet only works if you open it up.

Anyway, I’m still motivated and ready to work hard in 2017. I’ll be finishing up my current urban fantasy series, and this last book is a really fun one to write. Later in the year, I’ll be launching a new epic/sword & sorcery fantasy trilogy under a slightly different pen name. (Stay tuned for cool things I might do to my website.) Epic fantasy was my first love, an affair that has continued unbroken since I was six years old. And this is a story I’ve had floating around in my head in one form or another for… I want to say about 20 years, which makes me feel old, so let’s not count. The point is, it’s a project I’m very excited to break ground on. Looking forward to a productive year.

For those who are kindly waiting for the last Devilborn book, spring seems the likely timeframe. As my NaNo posts show, my schedule was pushed around and bullied by some health issues that took its lunch money and then threatened to beat it up out by the dumpster after school. That bully is still being dealt with, but tossing it in juvie is another thing I’m hopeful for in 2017.

Come to think of it, I do have one resolution, in the category of slacking off: the new season of The Magicians starts this month. OBSESSED. It’s important to have good TV to watch when you’re sick a lot.

Also, I got this for Christmas. There will be a themed dinner. The movie will be shown. Themed clothing may be a factor.

Got any resolutions to share?

Gathering wool

Gathering Black 250x375How are my peeps? I’ve been underground again, finishing a book. Working so much I’ve been a social hermit didn’t stop me from seeing Warcraft twice while it was still in theaters, though, so you can see where my priorities are. What’s that? You hated it? I bet you’re Horde.

For those who are following the Devilborn series, book 2 is now live! You can get GATHERING BLACK for just 99¢ until July 21. The paperback edition is also live, although it’ll be a few days before Amazon links them up.

But for those who haven’t read book 1 yet, here’s an insider tip: GRIM HAVEN will be FREE July 25-27.

In other news, I’ve got an Eleven Questions interview with Rebecca Chastain coming on Tuesday, so be sure to drop back for that!

Five for bingeing

First of all, can we talk about how weird the word bingeing looks? I had to look it up and make sure it was right. Apparently both bingeing and binging are correct, although spellcheck doesn’t like either, and I can’t say I blame it.

Anyway. Sometime last fall, I began to realize that I had, not to put too fine a point on it, lost my shit. The problem with being self-employed is, you’re always at work. And since you could always be working, you feel guilty whenever you’re not. I’m also still a stay-at-home-mom, a job I value and that I’m not about to let slide (I mean, except for the laundry and the vacuuming, obviously). But apart from that and forcing myself to take time to read when I could manage it, I was doing nothing but working all the time.

Which is ridiculous and, frankly, self-important. Because while it’s important for an indie author to publish regularly and frequently (and I’m still not fast enough, more’s the pity), I’m not curing cancer, you know? There’s no reason to get burned out and strung out and all snappy with people and refusing to have lunch. Just saying.

But I was snappy and refusing to have lunch. I was also not spending time with friends, not gaming (gasp!), and one of the first things to go? TV and movies. This is where the I-never-watch-TV crowd will sniff, noses high, and say good riddance to bad rubbish. But, you know, I’ve kind of dedicated myself to storytelling. I value stories.

So one of the things I did this winter to add more balance back to my life was start carving out an hour at bedtime to acquaint myself with the delights of Netflix and Prime TV. Even if bedtime was 2 AM, I’d make the time for one episode, because it’s hard for me to go straight from work to sleep anyway. Here are five of my favorite discoveries.

Once Upon A Time. Wow, this show is bananas, in the best possible way. Just a big goofy mashup of every Disney movie ever made, every fairy tale trope ever invented, and every small town cliché ever to appear in a Frank Capra film. I was completely obsessed with it, often letting that one episode thing slide until it was, um, more like six. Now I’m caught up to the present season, and I can only get it once a week, which is a shame.

Of course, the problem with watching fantasy when you also write fantasy is, you get all mad when you see them using an idea that you also happen to be using at the time. But that’s okay, because trust me, if you’re seeing it on this show, it’s old news anyway. Their whole gimmick is that they’re not doing anything for the first time. They’re presenting you with familiar things in new contexts, and that juxtaposition is exactly why it works.

OUAT Protip: The first season is by far the strongest.

 

Dead Like Me. This show seems to be really old, so I guess I’m the only one who didn’t know about it? Looks like it came out when I had a newborn, so that probably explains that. Anyway, it’s like Office Space meets Dead Bridget Jones, and it’s hilarious. The performances really help make this one shine, and the writing is clever and spot-on, deeply irreverent yet always managing to reel it in and smack you over the head with something lovely just as you think they might go too far.

DLM Protip: Watch out for those moments when, right when you’re laughing and having a good time, George’s family makes you cry.

 

Reign. Netflix recommended this to me based on Once Upon a Time, which was weird because they are nothing alike, but I checked it out because I love history. Um, except there is no history here. It claims to be about Mary Queen of Scots, and there is actually a character named Mary. And a dauphin. Other than that, you’ve got a teenage love triangle and modern music and strapless gowns, and then along comes some sort of vampire in the woods and I don’t think the historical drama crowd is really the demographic they’re going for. But hey! The costumes are spectacular, and it’s not every day you get to see Anne of Green Gables playing a de Medici! Megan Follows, you are fantastic as always, and I will always love you.

Reign Protip: Watch this only when you are fully prepared to eat ice cream and take nothing seriously.

 

Grimm. This one wasn’t a late night indulgence, but an evening and weekend one with my daughter, who was equally into it. We love us some Captain Renard. A fun show about fighting monsters, with lots of possibly made-up German words and the occasional bit of trivia about clock-making. What’s not to love?

Grimm Protip: The episodes James Frain guest stars in are the best, because James Frain is awesome at everything.

 

Supernatural. My daughter and I moved on to this after we caught up with Grimm, and I can see we’ll be at it for a while, because holy crap there are a lot of seasons. I know it’s a cultural phenomenon, and it’s in my genre wheelhouse to boot, so it’s kind of a crime I haven’t seen it before. I predict it will become a household favorite.

Supernatural Protip: I don’t have one, because we’ve only seen maybe half a dozen episodes so far. I’m hoping one of you will tell me that Sam will cut his hair at some point, though, because I find myself distracted by how much it needs to get out of his face.

The battle at Hardhome was good though, right?

MANY MAJOR SPOILERS for Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire!

It was the not-best of seasons, it was the arguably-worst of seasons. But there were a few bright moments, no? Okay, the one bright moment. Hardhome was, IMO, the best set piece Game of Thrones has ever done.The rest, though. Damn, you guys.

Here are my thoughts on the most controversial bits.

Sansa plugged into the Winterfell storyline
I would’ve done the same thing. Sansa is one of the show’s stars, and at this point in the book she’s babysitting the most annoying character George R. R. Martin has ever written. Meanwhile you’ve got a major storyline featuring a minor character the audience doesn’t know or care about. The swap was a no-brainer. That doesn’t mean it was executed well, though. So onward to…

Sansa’s rape
Well, once you’ve put her together with Ramsey, this sort of thing is pretty much inevitable, isn’t it? I don’t object to where the story went. I do object to some sloppy characterization. A great deal of screen time, going back to last season, was spent trying to convince us that we’ve got a new, badass Sansa, one who is going to be a player now. But in That Scene, and in fact most of the scenes leading up to it, she does nothing but tearfully submit to it all. I’m not victim-blaming, I’m writer-blaming. Imagine Margaery Tyrell in Sansa’s position and you’ll see what I mean. Tell me Margaery doesn’t immediately, expertly assess those psychos and begin trying to manipulate circumstances in her favor. (Whether she’d be successful or not is beside the point.) Because she has game. That’s what game looks like.

Shireen
The producers strongly implied that George told them this happens. So… Book-Stannis does this? “No more burnings” Stannis? “If I die, put my daughter on the iron throne” Stannis? Ok, but if that Stannis burns his only heir and brings the House of Baratheon to extinction, it’ll be because he’s sure beyond doubt that it’s the only way to save the realm he’s responsible for from immediate and certain destruction. That is the only way it fits his character, and if he does it for any other reason, I’ll happily call bullshit on George, too. Meanwhile, the show utterly failed to establish those sorts of stakes. The destruction of the realm is hundreds of miles away, neither certain nor immediate as yet. He’s not facing white walkers; he’s facing a few icicles and twenty of Ramsey Bolton’s undersecretaries. He’s not fighting for the realm; he’s fighting for Winterfell. This is a subtask of a subtask on the Save The Realm Gantt chart. Even in the kind of twisted mind where there’s a good reason to murder your daughter in an incredibly painful way, this is not that reason.

The Dorne plot line
Much as I appreciate the screen time for the always-hilarious Jerome Flynn, seriously, why is this here? It was a slowly moving story in an already way too slowly moving season, that accomplished almost nothing in the end. If the whole point was to kill Myrcella, just have a single, five minute scene in which Darkstar leaps out of the shadows, kills her with flair (but limited accuracy), and leaps back off screen again. No need to explain who he is or why he’s done it. He is of the night! That’s all people need to know.

For the watch
Kit Harington says he’s really dead. The producers say he’s really dead. He sure looked really dead. Eh. I still don’t think he’s dead. Certainly not before some big reveal about his mother. Jon Snow is endgame. Maybe not in the show, and maybe Show-Jon really is dead. If that’s the case, I’ll be okay, because at least he died without the whole pink letter and him behaving completely out of character leading up to it.

The scene in the fighting pit
While others are raging over poor Sansa and even poorer Shireen, this is the scene that really convinced me that Game of Thrones has lost it, possibly irretrievably. I’ve seldom seen anything so stupid on television, and I’m including reality TV in that. So you’ve got these horrible terrorists, right? So horrible they killed Ser Barristan! They butcher people randomly all over the arena. Just blood everywhere, no mercy for anyone. They close in on their prey. They’ve got her surrounded! There are dozens and dozens of them! They’re vicious! So they… come at her two at a time. Then when she flies off to reenact The Neverending Story, leaving the people who’ve just been defending her with their lives completely vulnerable, these fearsome, bloodthirsty terrorists… disperse. I just can’t even with this. And thanks, by the way, for ensuring that Limahl song was in my head for three days after. Seriously, I have to end the post here, because there are no words for this badness.

Game of WTF?

Yes, I have a lot to say about Game of Thrones. So much WTF. But I’m going to wait until after the season finale on Sunday before I say any of it. Who knows, maybe that last episode will change everything. Maybe Dany will wake up next to Daario and say, “Honey, I had the weirdest dream! I was jumping over a shark…” And then we’ll get the real story.

When it’s okay to tread old ground

Spoilers for the movie Sinister.

Sinister was on Syfy last night. Funny, the first time I watched it I remember I didn’t find it as scary as everyone said it was. Probably because it was predictable. You knew exactly where this movie was going, and it was frustrating that Ethan Hawke and Deputy Dawg took so long to figure it out. Have they never watched a horror movie before? Because there was nothing new here.

Snuff films: done. The concept that watching the terror on film/video will draw you in and make you part of the terror: done. Shaky, faux-home movie camera work: done. Family moving into a house where another family was slaughtered: done. One parent putting the family in jeopardy while trying to hide it from the other parent: done. Mysterious monster guys with weird white faces: done. Serial killers: done. Footsteps in the attic: done. Ghostly figures walking where the audience can see them, but the protagonist can’t: done. Lots of dark rooms with one light at the edge of the shot: done. Creepy children: really done. Relentless use of jump scares: do we even need to talk about this one?

Honestly, all we’re missing here is a van full of teenagers getting picked off one by one. The only place I’d expect to see this many horror tropes in one place is in a spoof. Which Sinister is not.

But I already knew all that last night when I watched it the second time. I wasn’t looking for anything fresh or new, so I just, you know, watched it. For what it was. And damn if I wasn’t scared. I began to see what all the hype was about, back when it first came out. That is a seriously scary movie, if you let it be.

Because the jump scares, while expected, still made me jump. They were really good jump scares. The creepy children? Some of the creepiest ever. Snuff films? Whole new level. The gore was done right, used frequently enough to be disturbing, but not so frequently as to desensitize the audience to it. The monster guy was monstery enough without being so over-the-top that you just kind of wanted to laugh at him. And the home movie footage did not make me nauseous, which is a huge plus. (Film makers, would you please stop making me feel carsick with that jumpyass camera work? It’s not scary, just annoying.)

A reminder, I guess, that as much as we like to throw around phrases like “a fresh spin on…,” it’s not always necessary for your spin to be fresh. As long as your spin is good.

One Last Time

MAJOR SPOILERS for The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, both movies and books.

CORRECTION: My apologies for getting the subtitle of the first movie wrong. What can I say, there were a few iterations during production, and I’m a forgetful old lady. That part’s been removed.

 

The subtitle for the second Hobbit movie made no sense. The Desolation of Smaug didn’t happen in that movie. But The Battle of Five Armies is aptly named. The battle is the movie. The whole movie.

It’s to Peter Jackson’s credit, then, that despite all that (great) action and all those (great) special effects, this was really a character movie. This is what I was missing from the second installment: it rang a little hollow, because it was just a bunch of action scenes mashed together without enough room for the actors to, you know, act and stuff.

That doesn’t happen here, and ultimately, it’s Jackson’s cast that carries this trilogy to a triumphant end. So I’m going to say nice things about them first, before I do any scolding.

Among some very stiff competition, Luke Evans and Richard Armitage were the standouts. Armitage played Thorin’s descent into madness beautifully. Sure, Thorin was a bit over the top, but if you haven’t come to expect that from Peter Jackson’s direction by now, you haven’t been paying attention. And it was the quiet moments, the flashes of the real Thorin coming through, that made the whole thing work. Armitage is what I always think of as a face actor; his performances are as much about his expression as the delivery of his lines. And when you can pull that off under all that hair and makeup, that’s saying something.

Luke Evans, on the other hand, actually manages to deliver a performance with restraint in a Peter Jackson movie, which is also saying something. He hits all the right notes with Bard, without ever crossing over into melodrama, and gives us an understated hero who despite his unlikely acrobatics and even more unlikely, for a fisherman, weapon skills, is completely believable.

And speaking of face actors, Dean O’Gorman is an unsung hero of these movies, because Aiden Turner’s Kili (also well played) gets all the spotlight in that brotherhood. But Dean O’Gorman? Is awesome. Peter Jackson is a great storytelller, and watching Fili and Kili growing from immature, innocent, plate-tossing goofballs into brave and battle-hardened men (or, well, grown dwarves) has been one of my favorite stories to watch.

The dwarves in the book aren’t really characters, except for Thorin (who himself only has one note, and that note is jerk). The others are largely indistinguishable from one another, a string of funny names. It’s quite an accomplishment for the writers and the cast that they managed to create thirteen actual, distinct, sympathetic people. I will never again read the Moria scene in Fellowship without tears, because Ken Stott made Balin real. Also a special round of applause for Graham McTavish, who succeeded in making me see Dwalin again, when I was pretty sure I’d only be able to think of him as Dougal from now on (and thus want to punch him).

It’s always, always a pleasure to see Ian McKellan and Cate Blanchett. I’d watch them read their grocery lists and be riveted the whole time. I can’t with this weird Gandalf-Galadriel thing, but still. Nice to see you guys!

And then we have Martin Freeman. Crikey. I really think this is the single best piece of casting across all six movies, and this performance right here is how you take a movie full of pointy elf ears and swords and dragons and make it real for people. And incidentally, while I got emotional several times, I did not cry until Bilbo started crying over Thorin’s body. (Then I cried the whole rest of the time.)

Okay, enough gushing. I have a bone to pick. There’s pretty much no point anymore in book comparisons. The Hobbit movies especially are more “inspired by” than “based on,” and that’s okay. Unlike a lot of other book fans, I like Tauriel just fine, and I like Evangeline Lilly in the role. But all that said, the worn-to-death star-crossed lovers routine is, frankly, a piss poor replacement for how Fili and Kili really die. It’s just one little line in the book:

Fili and Kili had fallen defending him with shield and body, for he was their mother’s elder brother.

But that image of them, fighting to the death over the mortally wounded Thorin, has stuck with me since I was seven years old. Because all that courage and loyalty and sacrifice make a tragic, fitting end to the House of Durin. And it’s so much more compelling than what we got.

I’ve expected to have my heart broken by their deaths since they first came to dinner at Bilbo’s. But, nope. I was properly shocked and dismayed by the abruptness of Fili’s, but Kili’s was so strongly telegraphed, and in such a cliched way, that when it finally came it was almost a relief. I was sorry they were dead, but the actual deaths did not make me cry. And they should have. That should have been one of the most memorable scenes in all six movies.

On a lighter note for the darkest of the Middle Earth movies, it’s clear to me that either Peter Jackson, or someone on his team, plays Word of Warcraft. First they put dwarves on rams. Then Beorn does a textbook bear bomb. Coincidence or conspiracy?

I’d like to end with a hat tip to the genius who came up with the “One Last Time” marketing campaign. Because I spent the last, I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes crying, and by the end it had nothing to do with the story and everything to do with my knowledge that we were leaving (movie) Middle Earth forever.

Only the rights to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings were ever sold, and if memory serves, Christopher Tolkien has been very clear that he has no intention of selling the rights to any of Tolkien’s other work, ever. Peter Jackson already did some mining in the appendices of Lord of the Rings for the Hobbit movies, and I don’t think there’s much more story to be wrung out of the material he’s allowed to use.

Then again, “not much more” isn’t the same thing as “none,” is it? #OneMoreTime?

O Hai!

My apologies for my lack of attention to your blogs and such. I’m trying to catch up. I’ve been in and out of it, and I’m not going to whine too much, but man, the flu is BAD this year, peeps. It’s a lot like World of Warcraft, actually. Just when you think you’ve put it behind you for good, it sucks you back under.

As a result of my hermitizing (sure it’s a word) I haven’t even seen the last Hobbit movie yet. DON’T TELL ME. But I’ll be reviewing it here once I do.

I have been reading, but I never did finish Revival. I’m sure I will at some point. I like curling up with a good historical love story in the winter time, although I shy away from the erotica end of things, and that is all the rage in romance these days. I’ve read the first couple of Elizabeth Hoyt’s Maiden Lane series, and it’s pretty darn graphic, but enjoyable nonetheless because it’s a cool period and I like her weaving in of the gin trade in London. It adds meat to the story, but isn’t so preachy that I have to roll my eyes and go read something else. The books aren’t entirely historically accurate, but what historical romance is? At least these heroines are products of their time and conflicted about sex, which is a dimension I like.

I keep trying, and failing, to finish the second Outlander book too. I guess I’m showing a lack of commitment these days, but what can I say? Too many books, not enough time. Even the likes of Stephen King and Diana Gabaldon have to stay sharp and keep me interested, because I have so many other choices to move on to if they don’t.

Exception: George Martin, you don’t have to be sharp or interesting. Seriously, I promise, it’s okay. Just send them the draft. We don’t mind. Statistically speaking, I’m past the halfway point in my life now, and I need to know who Jon Snow’s mother is before I die.

Actually I take that back. You can take your time, George. If you don’t tell me soon, HBO will. But is that really how you want me to find out?

Astute readers will note that the cover for Ghost in the Canteen has changed. (Yes again, but only once since publication, so that makes it okay.) The change is populating around all the many nooks and crannies of Amazon and the interwebs that book covers live in, so it may be inconsistent for a bit. (For example, the Amazon widget in my sidebar is still showing the old one as of this writing.)

While working on the cover for Peak of the Devil, we decided on a slight change to the look and feel for the series as a whole. One of the challenges with dark snark is that it’s by nature contradictory. Conveying that it’s bloody and scary but in a totally funny way can be difficult, but I think the new look strikes that balance better.

Peak is moving along on schedule for a release the last week of April or first week in May. After that the remaining three books in the series will be coming along faster, three to four months apart.

Nonetheless, I want HBO to know that if they’d like to offer up some spoilers by buying the television rights and producing it faster than I do, that’s totally okay.

Did we learn nothing from Pennywise?

This post contains spoilers for Stephen King’s It and last week’s American Horror Story, but not this week’s, because I haven’t watched it yet. I don’t mind if you spoil it when making comments, though.

American Horror Story has made me sad. They had such a great thing going with that clown. But they ruined it. No no, not by killing him. I mean, I’m kind of bummed about that too, because it’s too early in the season to lose their best feature, but I could have handled that.

But first they had to give him an origin story, and that’s where it all went wrong. Horror rule, you guys: leave the clown alone. Resist the urge to mess with the clown.

Do you remember when you read It, and Pennywise was just the most terrifying thing? And then the makeup came off and it was just, like, a big bug? That was such a letdown. The only thing that kept it from ruining the book was that the rest of it was so damned scary that you could forgive even that big a flaw. American Horror Story just made the same mistake, and they haven’t got Stephen King’s skill to talk their way out of it. (Don’t feel bad, Ryan Murphy and friends. Nobody does.)

Because you have two kinds of villains: villains who are uncomfortably like the rest of us, and monsters. The former are relatable, and that makes them both scary and tragic. You might hate them, but you get it, how they became what they did, the things that make us crack, the darkness within all of us. Nobody likes to look too long into that darkness, and these villains work because somewhere in the back of your mind you’re afraid that, given the same circumstances, that could be you.

These are good candidates for origin stories and mask removal. We need to know their motivations and we need to understand them. They need character arcs of their own. They don’t work otherwise, and they come off flat.

But monsters work the opposite way. They must be mysterious. The source of their terror is their otherness, their inhumanity, the sense of something bigger and badder than any of us. It’s great for them to be disguised as something familiar, especially if it’s something related to childhood, like a clown or a doll. That only adds to the effect. But you must make me imagine something awful under there without ever, under any circumstances, showing it to me. Take off the mask and give me a big spider, or a sad man who hasn’t got the capacity to judge the right or wrong of his actions, and you’ve just replaced the mystique with something I can deal with, even something mundane. The trick to the monster is understanding that you can’t scare someone better than they can scare themselves.

Where American Horror Story went wrong is that they started with a monster and then at the last second tried to swap it for the human kind of villain. Once you’ve put someone in a clown suit, he is not that kind of villain. He is unequivocally a monster, and there’s nothing you can show me under his makeup that will be scarier than him with it on.

Okay, fine, maybe they didn’t want him to be scary anymore. But why not? Why ruin all that terror momentum they had going, just on the off chance that they could use a few minutes before they killed him off, after we’ve been watching a monster for weeks, to make us see a sad man instead, and feel sorry for him?

There’s no point to that, and also, it didn’t work. The origin story wasn’t interesting or good. And going for the cheap gross-out with that jaw? Totally ruined a perfectly good evil clown. It’s like Pennywise all over again.

Just leave the clown alone.

Props for getting Wes Bentley though, AHS.

Everyone hail to the pumpkin song

Eleven things for Halloween:

1. The post title, of course, comes from the song “This is Halloween” in A Nightmare Before Christmas. This was the correct answer to the October poll asking for the best Halloween movie. Fifty percent of you got it right.

2. The other half of you chose It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, which is certainly a good one. But you’re still doing Halloween wrong if you don’t know Jack Skellington is the pumpkin king.

3. Nobody chose either Halloween or Night of the Living Dead. I was especially surprised that Michael Myers did not garner a single vote, although I quite agree with you. (By the way, there is no November poll because mah book is being released next week and will be occupying the sidebar space where the poll normally sits. But I’m sure we can all agree that the best Thanksgiving pie is cherry anyway. Shut up with your pumpkin.)

4. ahsclownAmerican Horror Story, which was maybe the least scary thing on TV last year, is the scariest it’s been since Season 1 this year, and maybe even scarier. You really can’t beat a creepy clown when it comes to scares, and John Carroll Lynch is giving us the creepiest one since Tim Curry played Pennywise.

5. The adaptation of It in which Tim Curry played Pennywise was not scary, despite Curry doing a fantastic job. The production values were… not high. So there’s no point in watching that for Halloween, but you might consider reading it, because it still wins my scariest book ever award.

6. ‘Salem’s Lot and Pet Sematary are my runners up for scariest Stephen King books. His son Joe Hill’s NOS4A2 is also really scary.

7. That family hasn’t got the corner on scary, of course. The Haunting of Hill House is a classic that stands up, and Poe will always be the master. I haven’t read much lately that genuinely scared me, though. (By all means, give me your recommendations in comments.)

8. If you want a movie instead, my personal picks for scariest movies are Seven and Silence of the Lambs.

9. Last year’s The Conjuring deserves a mention too, because it brought the scary back to scary movies. We need less of that nauseating found footage nonsense, and more good old fashioned scares.

10. I’m going to say it one more time, movie people: startle does not equal scare. Don’t just make me jump and call it a day. I’m not going to have nightmares about being startled. You’ve got to disturb me.

11. My fun sized candy bar of choice this year is Almond Joy. Yours?