No resolve

Happy new year, everyone! I do not have resolutions, as such. Usually I have a whole spreadsheet full of them all color-coded and broken into actionable steps with deadlines and status boxes and secret magical words of power. (I’m lying about the words of power.) Half of them still fall by the wayside by March. The spreadsheet only works if you open it up.

Anyway, I’m still motivated and ready to work hard in 2017. I’ll be finishing up my current urban fantasy series, and this last book is a really fun one to write. Later in the year, I’ll be launching a new epic/sword & sorcery fantasy trilogy under a slightly different pen name. (Stay tuned for cool things I might do to my website.) Epic fantasy was my first love, an affair that has continued unbroken since I was six years old. And this is a story I’ve had floating around in my head in one form or another for… I want to say about 20 years, which makes me feel old, so let’s not count. The point is, it’s a project I’m very excited to break ground on. Looking forward to a productive year.

For those who are kindly waiting for the last Devilborn book, spring seems the likely timeframe. As my NaNo posts show, my schedule was pushed around and bullied by some health issues that took its lunch money and then threatened to beat it up out by the dumpster after school. That bully is still being dealt with, but tossing it in juvie is another thing I’m hopeful for in 2017.

Come to think of it, I do have one resolution, in the category of slacking off: the new season of The Magicians starts this month. OBSESSED. It’s important to have good TV to watch when you’re sick a lot.

Also, I got this for Christmas. There will be a themed dinner. The movie will be shown. Themed clothing may be a factor.

Got any resolutions to share?

Gathering wool

Gathering Black 250x375How are my peeps? I’ve been underground again, finishing a book. Working so much I’ve been a social hermit didn’t stop me from seeing Warcraft twice while it was still in theaters, though, so you can see where my priorities are. What’s that? You hated it? I bet you’re Horde.

For those who are following the Devilborn series, book 2 is now live! You can get GATHERING BLACK for just 99¢ until July 21. The paperback edition is also live, although it’ll be a few days before Amazon links them up.

But for those who haven’t read book 1 yet, here’s an insider tip: GRIM HAVEN will be FREE July 25-27.

In other news, I’ve got an Eleven Questions interview with Rebecca Chastain coming on Tuesday, so be sure to drop back for that!

Time for a new round of search term Q&A

We haven’t done this in forever, but my longer term peeps know I like to occasionally go through the WordPress report on the search terms that have brought people to my site, and do my best to oblige them with answers to their burning questions. So let’s get to it:

mr. rochester is an asshole: You seem to have worked this out on your own, so why the search? If you’re seeking confirmation, then yes. Mr. Rochester is an asshole. We love him anyway though, because Jane does, and that’s good enough for us.

supernatural x reader lemon: Last time I did this, I had one that said mr rochester x reader lemon. Now this. I’m not quite sure I’ve got the proper decoder ring. Um, drink more Ovaltine?

scariest things: Spiders, clowns, creepy dolls, walking across your dark room to your bed when you just know a pale slimy hand is about to reach out from under it and grab you (No? Just me?), deep water, any vague unidentified problems that involve calling a plumber or an electrician.

terrifying jaws: Assuming you mean the shark, then yes, I can confirm that Jaws is terrifying. Human jaws are not even unsettling.

illidan wisely say: You are not prepared.

formatting messed up on createspace template: You’ve got to watch those guys, it’s true. Just double check the centering on your headers and footers; they like to leave the first line indent in there, so it’s not really centered at all.

the north remembers: YES IT DOES.

jen rasmussen: You’ve come to the right place! Except, there is another Jen Rasmussen who seems to be an expert bee keeper. I am not her, and I’m afraid my only knowledge of honey is as it relates to tea or baking bread. I’m not fond of bees.

jen rasmussen hawaii: Sign me up!

jen rasmussen porn: Do not sign me up!

jen is cow: Now you’re just being rude.

richard armitage nude: You again? Well, points for persistence. But I’m afraid I can’t help you.

gaming with jen facebook: I’m not into Facebook games, but if you want to do some WoW pet battles, I am your girl.

I also get quite a few visitors who arrive here after various searches having to do with Authors United, but honestly, I just don’t even want to talk about them anymore. It’s gotten too ridiculous to even mock.

One Last Time

MAJOR SPOILERS for The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, both movies and books.

CORRECTION: My apologies for getting the subtitle of the first movie wrong. What can I say, there were a few iterations during production, and I’m a forgetful old lady. That part’s been removed.

 

The subtitle for the second Hobbit movie made no sense. The Desolation of Smaug didn’t happen in that movie. But The Battle of Five Armies is aptly named. The battle is the movie. The whole movie.

It’s to Peter Jackson’s credit, then, that despite all that (great) action and all those (great) special effects, this was really a character movie. This is what I was missing from the second installment: it rang a little hollow, because it was just a bunch of action scenes mashed together without enough room for the actors to, you know, act and stuff.

That doesn’t happen here, and ultimately, it’s Jackson’s cast that carries this trilogy to a triumphant end. So I’m going to say nice things about them first, before I do any scolding.

Among some very stiff competition, Luke Evans and Richard Armitage were the standouts. Armitage played Thorin’s descent into madness beautifully. Sure, Thorin was a bit over the top, but if you haven’t come to expect that from Peter Jackson’s direction by now, you haven’t been paying attention. And it was the quiet moments, the flashes of the real Thorin coming through, that made the whole thing work. Armitage is what I always think of as a face actor; his performances are as much about his expression as the delivery of his lines. And when you can pull that off under all that hair and makeup, that’s saying something.

Luke Evans, on the other hand, actually manages to deliver a performance with restraint in a Peter Jackson movie, which is also saying something. He hits all the right notes with Bard, without ever crossing over into melodrama, and gives us an understated hero who despite his unlikely acrobatics and even more unlikely, for a fisherman, weapon skills, is completely believable.

And speaking of face actors, Dean O’Gorman is an unsung hero of these movies, because Aiden Turner’s Kili (also well played) gets all the spotlight in that brotherhood. But Dean O’Gorman? Is awesome. Peter Jackson is a great storytelller, and watching Fili and Kili growing from immature, innocent, plate-tossing goofballs into brave and battle-hardened men (or, well, grown dwarves) has been one of my favorite stories to watch.

The dwarves in the book aren’t really characters, except for Thorin (who himself only has one note, and that note is jerk). The others are largely indistinguishable from one another, a string of funny names. It’s quite an accomplishment for the writers and the cast that they managed to create thirteen actual, distinct, sympathetic people. I will never again read the Moria scene in Fellowship without tears, because Ken Stott made Balin real. Also a special round of applause for Graham McTavish, who succeeded in making me see Dwalin again, when I was pretty sure I’d only be able to think of him as Dougal from now on (and thus want to punch him).

It’s always, always a pleasure to see Ian McKellan and Cate Blanchett. I’d watch them read their grocery lists and be riveted the whole time. I can’t with this weird Gandalf-Galadriel thing, but still. Nice to see you guys!

And then we have Martin Freeman. Crikey. I really think this is the single best piece of casting across all six movies, and this performance right here is how you take a movie full of pointy elf ears and swords and dragons and make it real for people. And incidentally, while I got emotional several times, I did not cry until Bilbo started crying over Thorin’s body. (Then I cried the whole rest of the time.)

Okay, enough gushing. I have a bone to pick. There’s pretty much no point anymore in book comparisons. The Hobbit movies especially are more “inspired by” than “based on,” and that’s okay. Unlike a lot of other book fans, I like Tauriel just fine, and I like Evangeline Lilly in the role. But all that said, the worn-to-death star-crossed lovers routine is, frankly, a piss poor replacement for how Fili and Kili really die. It’s just one little line in the book:

Fili and Kili had fallen defending him with shield and body, for he was their mother’s elder brother.

But that image of them, fighting to the death over the mortally wounded Thorin, has stuck with me since I was seven years old. Because all that courage and loyalty and sacrifice make a tragic, fitting end to the House of Durin. And it’s so much more compelling than what we got.

I’ve expected to have my heart broken by their deaths since they first came to dinner at Bilbo’s. But, nope. I was properly shocked and dismayed by the abruptness of Fili’s, but Kili’s was so strongly telegraphed, and in such a cliched way, that when it finally came it was almost a relief. I was sorry they were dead, but the actual deaths did not make me cry. And they should have. That should have been one of the most memorable scenes in all six movies.

On a lighter note for the darkest of the Middle Earth movies, it’s clear to me that either Peter Jackson, or someone on his team, plays Word of Warcraft. First they put dwarves on rams. Then Beorn does a textbook bear bomb. Coincidence or conspiracy?

I’d like to end with a hat tip to the genius who came up with the “One Last Time” marketing campaign. Because I spent the last, I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes crying, and by the end it had nothing to do with the story and everything to do with my knowledge that we were leaving (movie) Middle Earth forever.

Only the rights to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings were ever sold, and if memory serves, Christopher Tolkien has been very clear that he has no intention of selling the rights to any of Tolkien’s other work, ever. Peter Jackson already did some mining in the appendices of Lord of the Rings for the Hobbit movies, and I don’t think there’s much more story to be wrung out of the material he’s allowed to use.

Then again, “not much more” isn’t the same thing as “none,” is it? #OneMoreTime?

O Hai!

My apologies for my lack of attention to your blogs and such. I’m trying to catch up. I’ve been in and out of it, and I’m not going to whine too much, but man, the flu is BAD this year, peeps. It’s a lot like World of Warcraft, actually. Just when you think you’ve put it behind you for good, it sucks you back under.

As a result of my hermitizing (sure it’s a word) I haven’t even seen the last Hobbit movie yet. DON’T TELL ME. But I’ll be reviewing it here once I do.

I have been reading, but I never did finish Revival. I’m sure I will at some point. I like curling up with a good historical love story in the winter time, although I shy away from the erotica end of things, and that is all the rage in romance these days. I’ve read the first couple of Elizabeth Hoyt’s Maiden Lane series, and it’s pretty darn graphic, but enjoyable nonetheless because it’s a cool period and I like her weaving in of the gin trade in London. It adds meat to the story, but isn’t so preachy that I have to roll my eyes and go read something else. The books aren’t entirely historically accurate, but what historical romance is? At least these heroines are products of their time and conflicted about sex, which is a dimension I like.

I keep trying, and failing, to finish the second Outlander book too. I guess I’m showing a lack of commitment these days, but what can I say? Too many books, not enough time. Even the likes of Stephen King and Diana Gabaldon have to stay sharp and keep me interested, because I have so many other choices to move on to if they don’t.

Exception: George Martin, you don’t have to be sharp or interesting. Seriously, I promise, it’s okay. Just send them the draft. We don’t mind. Statistically speaking, I’m past the halfway point in my life now, and I need to know who Jon Snow’s mother is before I die.

Actually I take that back. You can take your time, George. If you don’t tell me soon, HBO will. But is that really how you want me to find out?

Astute readers will note that the cover for Ghost in the Canteen has changed. (Yes again, but only once since publication, so that makes it okay.) The change is populating around all the many nooks and crannies of Amazon and the interwebs that book covers live in, so it may be inconsistent for a bit. (For example, the Amazon widget in my sidebar is still showing the old one as of this writing.)

While working on the cover for Peak of the Devil, we decided on a slight change to the look and feel for the series as a whole. One of the challenges with dark snark is that it’s by nature contradictory. Conveying that it’s bloody and scary but in a totally funny way can be difficult, but I think the new look strikes that balance better.

Peak is moving along on schedule for a release the last week of April or first week in May. After that the remaining three books in the series will be coming along faster, three to four months apart.

Nonetheless, I want HBO to know that if they’d like to offer up some spoilers by buying the television rights and producing it faster than I do, that’s totally okay.

Pie, Revival, and telling me my butt looks fat

Finally coming up for air after all the holiday festivities. I hope all my American peeps had a great Thanksgiving! Do you still have pie? I still have exactly one piece of pie, which I’m strongly considering having for breakfast. But that’s just because I made my mom make another pie right before she left. Was that mean? Otherwise I’d have been out, despite having a 2:1 person:pie ratio at the table last Thursday.

Thanksgiving was late this year, which means if you celebrate Christmas and left it until after like I did, you’re already behind on your holiday shopping. Luckily for you, Kindle books are so easy to buy and give, and Ghost in the Canteen is just 99 cents all week long!

Speaking of which, I’m not that author who lets her mom write a review. Or her sister, or her best friend, or even her beagle. I do know some of the people who’ve left reviews so far, but they’re real people who’ve really read the book. (Or at least I’m pretty sure they’re real, although I’ve only ever met them online.) And they are not those people in your life who would hesitate to tell you your butt looks fat, you know? The upside is that I know, and you can rest assured, that my reviews are legitimate and honest.

The downside? I don’t have enough reviews. So if you’ve read Ghost and enjoyed it, please consider leaving an honest reader review on Amazon.

My own honest reader review, thus far, of Stephen King’s Revival is this: Revival is on my Kindle. The new WoW expansion is on my PC. In my scant bit of unwinding time before I go to bed each night, I look from one to the other. And I choose WoW pretty much every time.

I’d say I can’t remember the last time I was this unengaged in a King book, but I can: it was the last one, Mr. Mercedes, which was, if it can be believed, even worse than The Tommyknockers. So a bad streak here. Revival is better written than Mr. Mercedes, and the characters are interesting, but maybe I’m just not clicking with it. I’m about 35% in and it just lacks momentum. There’s nothing keeping me coming back. If it was almost anyone else’s book, I’d have put it down by now. But since it’s King I’ll probably tough it out. It is creating a backlog in my TBR pile, though.

So that’s my update. I KNOW YOU WANTED AN UPDATE. You can go back to stimulating the economy now.

ZeniMax, please inspire me to give you my money

Well, now that ZeniMax has lifted the NDA for The Elder Scrolls Online, I’m free to tell the world how I feel about the beta. If only I knew how I feel about the beta.

I was deeply excited for TESO, because Skyrim! Plus MMO! My two favorite gaming experiences, mashed together. It’s got to be like chocolate and peanut butter, right?

Well, sort of. Except not really.

The graphics are beautiful. I love active combat systems. The lack of traditional class boundaries, and the resulting freedom with which you can build your character, is refreshing and intriguing. Overall, this is a good MMO. But it’s also a bit… bland. Lacking in personality.

By necessity, it lacks the immersion of Skyrim because it lacks the interactivity. The NPC’s never accuse me of being a milk drinker or discuss their histories with arrows to the knee. I can read books, but I can’t take them with me. If I see a cool vase, I can’t pick it up and bring it home. In a massively multiplayer environment, this is all understandable. My issue isn’t that these things are missing, it’s that they haven’t been replaced with anything.

Skyrim always made my character feel alive. Here, my character isn’t really a character in the true sense of the word. There are no ways that I’ve encountered yet to develop her as more than just a means of killing things. I want cool, fun things to work on. A house I can customize and use to display my books and trophies of battle would be best. Lacking that, pets. Unusual mounts. Cool rewards for achievements. Titles. Personality.

Because without those things, I’m not invested. I’m not attached. And it also leaves a decided lack of things to do. So far the game promises questing, PVP, crafting, and then if you want, more questing. I’m sorry to say, I’m not finding this to be enough. I’m sure they’ll tack on something raidy, but even then. We’ve seen all this before. Maybe if I say it a third time, I can conjure it up Beetlejuice style: where’s the personality?

Maybe – almost certainly – my expectations were too high. But there’s a reason for that: they’ve invited my expectations to be high by placing themselves in direct, mutually exclusive competition with mature, feature-rich MMO’s. People always defend launch titles by reminding us that such-and-such game didn’t have a lot of features at launch either. Which would be a valid point, if it was 2004. But they’re not competing with the launch versions of other games; they’re competing with them now.

The subscription model has a lot going for it, and it’s not bad in and of itself. But in this market, I think it’s a poor business decision. At least, unless you’re going to offer a one-year subscription at an extremely deep discount to anyone who pre-orders, say, or some other means of making it negligible until you’ve had time to ramp up the game. Because there are a lot of people out there right now who’ve been playing MMO’s a long time, with a core group of friends and/or family, and the fact of playing with those people is more important than the game itself. So either the whole group will play something, or none of them will.

As an example, in my house gaming is a family activity, and there are four of us who play. Which means when you offer a game for the industry standard fifteen dollars a month, you’re not actually talking about fifteen dollars a month, you’re talking about sixty. The upshot of this is, we’re not budgeting for more than one sub game.

Currently we’re playing WoW. (Yeah yeah, I can hear your game snobbery from here.) I’ve been a WoW player on and off for eight years, and right now my subscription is active for one simple reason: there’s just a lot to do. Without even getting into the standard endgame PVE and PVP, I’ve got pet battles (you have no idea), collecting mounts, collecting achievements, my little farm, various activities around the Timeless Isle, leveling alts. My experience is varied and fun and doesn’t get boring. And soon, with the addition of garrisons in the next expansion, there will be even more to do.

So what is ESO offering me that can compete with all of that? Why should I spend my sixty dollars here instead? This is what I’m asking myself. If you’ve got the answer, by all means, enlighten me in the comments. I haven’t pre-ordered it yet. But I’m still rooting for it. I’m hoping the next beta event will knock my socks off.

What would Illidan say to you?

As of this writing, the countdown timer in my sidebar says I have 7 days and 8 hours until NaNo begins, and, well… this is me.

I suspect this first draft will contain lots of passages about what everyone is eating and characters who don’t grow personalities until some time in January. But there’s not a lot I can do about that in 7 days and 8 hours. I need to choose my battles wisely. Whatever prep time I can carve out around Halloween and all the other goings-on over the next week needs to be dedicated to those things that are absolute critical path items.

Okay then. I already have tea, candy, and Tastykakes. So:

  1. Wine
  2. Plot

Well, that’s not so bad. It’s only two.

How about you, fellow writers and wrimos? Are you ready? What last minute preparations are you making?

Fall is for fantasy

51io0QNtvmL._SX260_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_Maybe because the Renaissance Festival comes to my region in the fall, or because the weather gets cooler and it’s a great time to curl up with a book, or just because of Halloween and haunted houses and witches. Whatever combination of these factors makes it so, this is a time of swords and sorcery and castles and stuff.

And not just books either. All sorts of things, including food. Back when more of my family played WoW together, we’d have Azeroth themed nights in which our adventures were preceded by some Westfall stew (because fall is also for stew) and homemade cherry pie. Come to think of it, why hasn’t anyone written a Warcraft cookbook? Or have they and I just don’t know about it? We need one of these.

And then sometimes we do a Harry Potter thing at Halloween, with pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes and so forth. Harry Potter is great for the sweets. Not much in the way of stew though.

For this year, I just ordered A Feast of Ice and Fire. I’m thinking: October. Crisp air, crunchy leaves. And lemon cakes. Then more lemon cakes. I haven’t got much farther in my planning than that. Because when you think of Westerosi food, lemon cakes is the first thing, right? Come on. THEY’RE HER FAVORITE. Fiery Dornish peppers comes a close second though. I’d actually like to see some stats on how often these phrases are mentioned.

According to the description, one of the clever things about this cookbook is that it includes both medieval and modern versions of many recipes, and suggested substitutions for those things you just don’t tend to stock in a normal kitchen in the real world. I kind of wish there’d been something like that when I was making those gooey spider cakes.

More on A Feast of Ice and Fire when I’ve actually made one.